“Are you ok?”
How many times do we ask and answer this question?
Is the answer we give ever the whole truth? I am going to hazard a guess that the answer to that is no.
I mean of course it is 100% acceptable to just reply to the Steve on the checkout with a standard, yeah all good answer (the poor guy does not want or need the details of the argument you had with the other half before leaving this morning, the pressures of your totally unfair work load or to know how little sleep you got last night because of the kids)
However when the question comes from your significant other, a friend or family member, who does it serve to just give the standard reply? Or is it that you haven’t really examined the truth for yourself……..
I spent years convincing myself that I was ok, just so that I could give the “yeah all is good” answer and not feel guilty about it. But eventually, you have to be able to be honest and say that maybe I am not alright with me.
That is not to say that I thought I was a bad person, bad mother (some days!) or even that I was failing in any particular aspect of life. I just wasn’t really being the person I wanted to be. I was too caught up in rushing to the next meeting or pick up, chasing the next target or promotion, keeping things running smoothly at the expense of my own feelings. I spent years literally taking myself for granted in a way that I would not dream of doing to someone I love! Sound familiar?
For so many people right now, in the midst of social distancing, you are possibly coming to terms with that fact that you are not actually ok. Physically you are healthy maybe even what you consider to be fit. Hopefully you have a network of people who are there to support you, family and friends and co-workers who are touching base. A roof over your head and food on the table and access to entertainment and communications, all of which make us blessed in so many ways, and even with all of that, you do not feel good with you.
The real truth is;
“I have no home but me.” Anne Truit
If that is the case, and you are not at home in yourself, how could you be alright?
What can you do to make amends with yourself? How can you make you better?
Start by admitting to the oversights, the harsh thoughts and the down right neglect you have put yourself through! You do not need to always come last, not even where the kids are concerned! You will be a better parent if you have the things you need.
Think about or write down any negative thought you have had about yourself in the last 3 days………Shocking stuff once you start, I mean I really would not be friends with me on my worst days! Can you imagine saying those things to a friend, sister, daughter? Nope.
Turn those statements around and instead of berating yourself for your perceived short comings, simply add them to a mental or physical “I can improve on”…….list
I have a daily “I can improve by being more patient” dialogue going, but I know I am getting better at waiting for it to actually happen(lol)
Really ask yourself what you could do today to make you feel better, feel more at home in your head or in your own skin. Some days the answer is nothing, as in I need to sit still and do nothing, and that is a totally acceptable answer. You might find the little things you have denied yourself for the sake of weight loss, healthy eating, beauty might provide you a little glimmer of happiness and make you feel a little better than do it. Life is too short to never eat the cake.
Most importantly come to terms with not being 100% ok all the time, and remember that the honest answer is normally the best one, unless its Steve at the checkout!
What will you do today to be a better friend to yourself?
Let me know x
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